I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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