I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
