Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
