I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
