She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
