girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
