My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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