Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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