I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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