I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize