White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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