Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
