Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm too high and old for this...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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