Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
