Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
