i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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