just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
