he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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