i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
