living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
