I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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