There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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