The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
