Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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