Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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