You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
