if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
