just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
