Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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