I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
