Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
