You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
