Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
