You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
