Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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