Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The best revenge is premature balding
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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