She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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