He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
