I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
