lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
