Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
