P.S. I can't hear my feet
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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