My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
