I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
