Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Two words: nipple clamps
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