just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
