Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
