If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
