we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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