He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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